do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
