South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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