Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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