the day after is always just damage control
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
