Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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