so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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