the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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