I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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