Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
