I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
