You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
