I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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