I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
