it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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