Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
