In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
