we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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