I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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