he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
