yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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