I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
