just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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