Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
