im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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