oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
