We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
