Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize