girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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