Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just found puke in my bra..
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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