My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
