no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
