I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
