He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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