MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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