Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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