youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i out mim tonsoeep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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