why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
