i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
