Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
