....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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