its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
