I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She announced her abortion via fbk
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
