Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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