I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
