You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
babies were throwing up all over the place
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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