You can't motorboat a personality
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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