Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
