I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
