I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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