If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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