Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
