I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
