i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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