We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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