He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
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Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
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I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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