Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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