I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
