Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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