you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
