Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
did i walk over a car last night?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
