Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
