We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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