I'd wear matching sweaters with you
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
