anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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